And the Virus Attacks!!

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The IT wave has indeed swept the nation. Words and their meanings change from zone to zone, time to time, and generation to generation. If you are anywhere close to my generation, then you would have seen the title and expected an article on how my computer seized up because of some nasty internet virus. But you would have been wrong on two counts.

1. My comp does NOT need help from any virus to seize up, thank you… On all matters of hanging up, crashing, acting weirdly, deleting random files, and making unseemly noises, it is fairly self reliant. In fact, it would take offence if a virus offered assistance. “Oh, what? You think I can’t freeze up on my own??? Up yours, you 10011001010010010101!!!!!” (What? You can come up with a better binary swear word?)

2. I am talking about viri in a more biological sense… Leave computers out of this for a while. Ok?

It all started one bright Friday morning (the mornings ARE bright these days, aren’t they?) when my colleague remarked that I was hot. I was about to say “Why, thank you”, when she made it abundantly clear that she was talking strictly in the literal sense. It took about a few minutes before I actually started feeling the effects of the fever.

The reason, I reasoned, are the dastardly rains that plague Bangalore these days (the rains ARE dastardly these days, aren’t they?) For you see, I am slightly more vulnerable to these pesky drops-from-the-skies than the average person. I can sing “Raindrops keep falling on my head” with more conviction than Butch Cassidy OR the Sundance Kid, who would have better sung “Raindrops keep falling on my hair… or hat”, cos unlike those lying, rich moviestars, raindrops actually DO keep falling directly on my head… owing to the fact that my once densely populated head was evicting the follicles remorselessly… and rather too quickly, in my opinion.

Be that as it may be, there I was, shivering from fever, drenched in sweat, dying on the office sofa, when God got bored. He hit the fast forward button so that the scene shifted to evening without any significant change in the plot.

There were shouts and cries of joyous exuberance as the clock struck the appointed hour… Most of my colleagues leapt off the office in single bounds (one bound per colleague; hence the plural form)… Thankfully, I was not left alone. With lightning fast reflexes, I had managed to… well, just lie there…

But… with slow, but steady reflexes, the kind that God gifts the clueless, I managed to cling on to ONE of my colleagues, who I pestered into helping me home.

Being a staunch practitioner of the philosophy “Ignore, and it shall go away”, I decided to spend my weekend in bed… Concerned friends, family members, and in fact, one weird stranger I met on my way home, suggested I consult the doctor, but I stood by my principles… for a while… My fever was getting stranger by the day, giving me a roller coaster ride I couldn’t wriggle out of. I finally decided that I needed an expert view on the matter. I needed to know what I was suffering from… at least I’d be able to tell people something other than that I was suffering from ‘some strange case of fever’. Hence, I limped into the local clinic… where the veteran doctor diagnosed with my condition and announced that i was suffering from ‘some strange case of fever’

This, of course, was not helping me at all. I needed expert care, attention, and tolerance to my irritating wails. I needed mom. I’ve booked me the first flight back to my home, Cochin, where I shall undoubtedly displace a vertebra, thanks to the horribly bumpy roads on the way to the hospital…There, in addition to ‘a displaced vertebra’, I hope to be diagnosed with something better than ‘some strange case of fever’.

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