You can check out any time you like, but…

FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites

For those who came in late… I was admitted into a Hospital ward on suspicion of Typhoid. This is true… I wasn’t under treatment for Typhoid, mind you… … I was brought in because of ‘alleged Typhoid-like symptoms‘. It started one lovely Friday morning… which turned out to be not-so-lovely-after-all, as I suddenly got inflicted with high fever. If the eyewitness accounts hold true, there was visible smoke rising from my body which obscured vision within the surrounding area. Of course, I’m considering this remark as a highly exaggerated, inaccurate observation, fabricated mostly by myself.

Let’s just leave it at the fact that I was pretty sick. I had to be flown out of Bangalore and into Cochin so that I can be watched over by THE experts… I’m not talking about experts in medicine… I was talking about experts on ME… my parents…

I was taken directly from the airport into the doctor’s room, where I was brought under the scrutiny of some serious doctors… specialists in prodding stomachs and frowning seriously. The verdict was unanimous.

He needs more prodding. Admit him for observation.

The room was top notch, something you could gauge the instant you see the Personal Cable TV perched high on a stand, playing crappy Hindi movies without remorse. The bed was comfy, and there was an interesting set-up built to stop me from falling off… I felt like I was back in a crib. At least that’s my explanation for sucking my thumb, and I’m sticking with it.

It was no picnic. No, there was no lunch basket kept on a blanket spread out in the lush green grass fighting a piping hot sun. Nope. No picnic at all. It was frustrating… waiting for the doctor to let me out…

The big problem was that… despite their big fat degrees and the framed certificates they use as wallpaper, they were unable to find out what I was suffering from. “Weird”, said the doctor, “and his illness is pretty bizarre too.” Everyday, promptly at 4 a.m., a determined nurse would siphon off a syringeful of blood, ostensibly for tests. They also did some sort of scan on me, assuring me that smearing me with jelly was part of the process, and not merely done for their amusement. Their muffled giggles did nothing to elevate their credibility on the matter.

My body has a sick sense of humor, toying with the doctors like that. At one point, the WBC count spiraled down, and the blood platelet count started its decline. I tested negative for every test they gave me. By the time they figured they had no choice but to drill my spine for more tests, things began to get back to normal. Not long after, the triglyceride count boomed up without so much as a WORD of explanation. After all was said and done, they still don’t have a clue what I suffered from, and they still have no idea how in the world I recovered so fast… But they DID know they could charge me Rs.11,560 for healthcare.

The fact that I had something they couldn’t identify… made them really reluctant about letting me go. And when they DID, they gave me the typical lecture on controlling my diet, drinking safe water, etc etc, along with a prescribed dosage of vitamin tablets. (This also started out my brief stint in vegetarianism, but that’s another story…) They also asked me to return for tests when I can… It was like I was being sent on parole. I can check out any time I like, but I can’t REALLY leave…

You may also like...

4 Responses

  1. Nisho says:

    Good to see you’re back, man! Good post.. keep writing! 🙂

  2. Hammy says:

    Thanks, dude… That’s right. I’m BACK!!!… Back to rise from the ashes like a phoenix… to soar amidst eagles… unless eagles are natural predators of phoenixes…
    That would be rather embarassing, doncha think? Rising from ashes only to be pecked to death by rebelling racist goddamn eagles… Damn… Rising from the dead is hard enough without the prospect of becoming bird food… When you think about it, you get boiling mad against the pesky eagles. What do they think of themselves?? Who gave them the kingdom of the skies? What the…

    Sorry. Got a bit emotional there…

  3. Arun Jose says:

    hehe… enjoyed the comment above as much as the post itself… u r in full flight! I don’t think any eagle can catch u… ;-))

  4. silverine says:

    tch tch you should get readmitted immediately :p

Skip to toolbar