The Blah Blahs and the Yada Yadas

Entertainment has owned me for the better part of my life. Even when I was a toddler drooling on VHS tapes, my dad had to spend an unreasonable amount of time dragging me away from the TV. And if you think dragging a kicking and screaming Hamish away from a good movie is a walk in the park, you have a twisted view of what a park should be like.

Imitation is rumored to be the sincerest form of flattery, and I have often, in my own way, flattered many characters I have admired on screen. I’ve walked around looking cold and distant as a tribute to Robert Patrick, better known as T1000 from Terminator 2. I’ve walked about with my hair combed to a point and swinging my head at every step, in honor of Ace Ventura. And as a hats-off-homage to the muscle-bound Arnie, at some point in time, I’ve even talked like I had hot coals roasting in my mouth.

Me: Owyadoein, vudie?

Friend: I’m doin fine, buddy.

Friend’s friend: Huh? You understood what he just said?

Friend: Ya. He was asking me how I was doing. That’s Hamish, by the way.

Me: Elo. Naiedomeedoo

Friend: He’s saying it’s nice to meet you.

Friend’s friend: Uh… ok. Hi, Hamish. You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full.

Friend: No. He doesn’t have anything in his mouth. He’s just movie crazy. Right now, he’s in his imitate-Arnie phase.

Friend’s friend: Arnie?? As in Arnold? He doesn’t sound anything like Schwarz…

Friend: Now don’t start, ok? Sometimes he gets carried away… He imitates…. well… just… don’t ask, ok?

I’ve also tried my friends’ patience by yelling phrases like ‘Arrr’, ‘Avast ye bilge rat!’, ‘Sail ho, landlubber’, and ‘Get ya sealegs spiked and hoist me skysail, matey’ imitating the inimitable Jack Sparrow. Thankfully, I have very patient and understanding friends, though they weren’t as supportive of me muddying up my face and wearing an eyepatch to work.

My latest craze is a maverick doctor who solves medical mysteries using little beyond biting sarcasm. The show is House, M.D. and the character is Doctor Gregory House. The show has been a brilliant hit from the Fox network. I’ve only recently started watching the show, but it has been around for donkey’s years. Note that I’m talking about a very young donkey; one born around mid November, 2004.

The more episodes I watched, the more addicted I became. And then I began noticing how much of the character I can emulate. I don’t think I’ll go and get a medical degree for this, but there’s more to the character than just medicine. So I looked at the character closely.

Ok, ok. Let’s stop at that. We don’t really want to explore TOO deeply. House and I share some similarities. Let’s leave it at that.

The last time I went home, I got my parents to watch an episode. I also bought a cane.

Not EXACTLY a cane, I must say. I’m not gonna buy a cane just to imitate a TV character! God, that would be lame. No, I bought an umbrella that LOOKS like a cane. Pretty smart, I thought to myself.

However, dad kinda took the umbrella away, saying it’s impractical for me to carry such a long umbrella to work everyday. This screwed up my plan of walking around in office with the ‘cane’ and making my colleagues cry out again over my so-called-obsession with the character. Of course, I couldn’t tell this to dad. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have appreciated the plan. He’s probably gonna use it for something unproductive… like sheltering himself from the rain. Tut tut.

Never let it be said that “For want of a cane, a tribute was lost”. I told myself, “Hell, if I don’t have a cane, I’ll fake one.” There is always photoshop. Thanks to the digital age, I can draw in seven canes if I want to. I worked out a little flash file to the tune of House, MD.

Click here to see Hamish, M.aD.