As wet as wet can be

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It seemed like any other day… My work for the day was done, I had grumbled enough about having to work on a Saturday, and it was evening. My brother and I began the customary search for a place to snack. He had a bike… So geography wasn’t a boundary. We can go anywhere within reasonable limits… try someplace new. The debate was still going on in full swing when suddenly… it started to drizzle. This rather helped the decision making process. Our choices were suddenly given boundaries. Boundaries of proximity…

An unexpected rain is rarely seen in a positive light. Mostly, the reactions tend to be based around “Goddamn it!!“, “Oh, no. Here goes the day“, and “Holy Beelzebub, Batman. It’s raining!!“. Ok, so not everyone would hate the rain… I’m sure that a lot of farmers would start singing in joy, pausing to kiss the mud in reverent thanks to the rain god… And some braindead Bollywood addict would take the opportunity to run out and sing love songs. But let’s face it. There aren’t many farmers in Bangalore, unless you consider growing weed as agriculture… And as far as braindead B. addicts are concerned, even without the rain, they would be just as happy if they get a tree to run around once in a while.

In any case, we decided to wait at the Sweet Chariot outlet nearby until the drizzle stopped, which I estimated to take about fifteen minutes or so. As far as predicting the weather was concerned, I was all wet, which, incidentally proved to be a very prophetic statement. Fifteen minutes of wait, and the drizzle seemed to get steadier and steadier.

My brother’s always been more patient than me, which is not saying much, seeing that I start mumbling at supermarket billing counters, even though there’s only one bloke ahead of me. It was still drizzling when I started pestering my brother…

“Hey, come on… It’s just a little drizzle. We can’t wait here all day, can we?”
“By the time we start the bike and move, the drizzle would have stopped…”
“Hey, maybe it’s only raining HERE… We just have to get out of this location and we’re home free”
“Oh, so you called your friends, eh? So it’s raining even at home, eh? Well, that just means that the rain is not going to end anytime soon. Are we going to wait here endlesly? Huh? Huh?”

I can never overstate the power of persistence. It took only half an hour of similar statements before my brother started ignoring the voice of reason and listening to moi… We set out in the light drizzle, with the unsaid hope of impending weather calmness… People PAY when they listen to the voice of moi… And we paid big time.

The rain gods, being miffed by the Hammy scorn and apathy yet again, huffed and puffed and blew the house down… metaphorically speaking. Five minutes after we set for home, it was raining cats, dogs, and other assorted farmyard animals… the Gods mocked us with their thunder and lightning. Whatever the cause, I was wetter than a sponge buried at sea.

“So, bro”, my brother shouted over the chatter of raindrops that kept falling on my head,”I guess we’ll keep the trip to the mall for some other day, huh?”

Sound advice. We had plans to visit ‘Star Bazaar‘, the mall in Koramangala, on our way back, We needed to buy… well, we needed to look around and see if there could be something we could buy. That’s the thing about malls. You keep wanting to visit, whether or not an actual need is present.

In light of the current downpour situation, the prudent step was to postpone the not-so-urgent time-wasting charade at the mall for a a sunnier day…. literally a sunnier day… What possible good can come of us wandering in the store like that? At best, we’d get some snacks to munch on, but for that, we’d have to wade through an army of incredulous wide eyed dry folks who would be plainly wondering whether we may be some aquatic sea-creatures who needed to be thrown back into the sea. No good can come of it. It’s best to just go home, get dry, and save the mall trip for later.

“What? Another day?? We do NOT back down just because of a little rain, alright? That is NOT what we do. We are going to march right there as planned. Because THAT is what we DO!! No buts. We’re going.”

So my brother listened to the voice of moi once again. (He just won’t learn, will he?) So we entered the mall, dripping wet, causing stares by people who looked like they were expecting a circus act… “Ladies and gentlemen… presenting… The HUMAN water fountain”. People were looking at me as if they thought I was manufcaturing all the water there…

“Yeah, buddy. I’m fusing hydrogen and oxygen in there… My body’s a fusion reactor…”
“Hmm… I’d believe it. God knows you have enough space in there to hide a fusion reactor…”

Snide remarks aside, it didn’t help that the place was air conditioned. The water from the cold hard rain that was sticking to my skin were getting even cooler. I was wondering whether I should go hug an attendant for body warmth…. but I didn’t see anyone huggable over there at the time. It was a lost cause. I should just call it quits, shake my head, get out of the store, and head off home. There’s no shame in admitting you were wrong… or pigheaded…

Just when I was wondering how to broach the topic with Lewin, HE started it for me…

“Sheesh, bro… It’s cold… c-o-l-d- cold… I think we should just bolt out of here, go home, dry ourselves. What do you think?”

Hurrah!! An escape clause… At last. All I needed to do was agree with him and we were both home free… no longer facing the grim prospect of freezing to death in the grocery section. Trust me, you do NOT want your eulogy to read “Here lies Hammy. Buried under an avalanche of frozen green peas.”, particularly if your name isn’t ‘Hammy’. But I had an escape clause in hand… A ticket back to life itself.

“Huh? You want to quit?? Listen to yourself. You want to give IN to a little cold? I don’t think so, brotha. You do what you want. I stay.”

Me and my big mouth. Why? Why?? Why do I say things like these? I was dripping cats and dogs…. well, kittens and puppies at least… The cold air was starting to make icicles out of them, and I was tired of all the muffled stares and distant mutters… All I needed to do… was remain silent.

My tongue wags in mysterious ways. Not for long, though, if I stay in the mall long enough. It’s already getting stiff…

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5 Responses

  1. Binny V A says:

    Ah, the curse of the non-existent umbrella . Been there, done that.

  2. Alex says:

    Yeah, it was stupid wasnt it ? I was stuck at home at the time, with the electricity gone and the internet connection down.

    You’d think that was the time to get across with nature. Not me though … I slept through the entire evening.

  3. Shyma says:

    *“Holy Beelzebub, Batman. It’s raining!!”* Ha! that made me lol. I heard the rain was awful… i wasn’t in the city.. n didn’t u go out for a snack? should’ve settled for one of those mini lasagne’s at sweet chariot which are oh-so-heavenly. And what is Star Bazaar? Sounds too corny to even exist, let alone harbour fusion reactors. (That was funny, though)

  4. Arun says:

    hehe… Remember the song from “Ramji rao speaking…”??? 🙂

  5. hammy says:

    @Binny:
    It’s the bane of our times. You see hordes of umbrella-less luck-less witless wet people all over the place… Wait til the rainy season. We are going to be carried off in the flood

    @Alex:
    You slept through the whole thing? You lucky dawg, you… I haven’t had a decent sleep in ages… what with all the movies and serials I’m watching day in day out…

    @Shyma:
    You said it, sistah. The most value for money lasagnas ever! I take a pop at one everytime I drop by…

    @Arun:
    You, my dear friend, have added to my sleepless nights. “What song was he talking about” is one of the new phrases I keep muttering in my sleep. I finally tracked it down to the songs I remember – “Avanavan kuzhikkunna”, “Kalikkalam”, “Kannirkkayalile”, and “Orayiram”… but I still can’t relate any of these to your comment. Enlighten me, bro. Save me from tearing off what’s left of my hair… Dis-mystify. 🙂

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