That did it. It rained last night. It did. And you want to know what the big deal was? I was CARRYING MY UMBRELLA!! And no, it wasn’t one of those blissful times when I was resting comfortably inside while the rain pounded mercilessly on the outer crust of sturdy buildings. No. it rained while I was OUTSIDE… WITH my umbrella.
Some of you… Nay, MOST of you would be scratching the upper melon about now, as bewildered as George W Bush in a science convention. But this is because you haven’t read - or have chosen to forget - an old post of mine, Hamish v/s the Rain God. At that point, I had mentioned a little feud I had with the bearded, wizened God of rain, Zeus. In the past decTfft:JgKdMde”MfGYDg_*)
Huh?? Where did that garbage text come from? Anyway, let me get back to the point.
In the past decade, I never got wet when I carried my umbrella. No, not because the umbrella shielded me from rain, but because it never rained when I carried my umbrella. You can ask my friends back in college. It never failed. If I carry an umbrella, it never rains, unless I am inside a building. If I decide to go out at that juncture, it takes about a minute for the sky to clear up.
This little feud of ours had been going for quite a long while now. As I have recorded in Hamish v/s the Rain God, it came to a head the last time he caught me unawares with a violent storm, when I kinda challenged him with a stupidly-daring “Is-that-the-best-you-can-do?” cry, which basically made him up the ante from playing around with a simple rainstorm to pelting me with hailstones. A few of them hurt bad. I don’t really know xRy*UfFdff hf&a&hRrauabghyPh*&jjgfTjfRjgHfggjD
Dammit!! Garbage values again!! What’s gotten into my laptop? Ahem… To continue with my narration, I don’t really know how this feud started. I mean… I never provoked him. I was never even impolite to the blighted old geezer. Maybe it’s something from a past life. Maybe I was an Athenian God in the last life and used to leer at his daughter. Maybe he’s a big fan of Michalis Rakintzis and didn’t like it when I booed at his song, “Sagapo”. Maybe I just snore too loud.
I don’t know. All I do know is that fighting with Gods is not cut out for everyone. And I’m no George Carlin. I can’t do it the way he used to. I can only carry my umbrella and tide it out.
But yes, that was one thing I could do with confidence. I could just brandish my walking-stick shaped umbrella and walk around faking a limp, imitating a rather uncool version of Dr. Gregory House, basking in the knowledge that the umbrella is actually a weather machine. Zeus takes one look at the umbrella and frowns, “What the heck. He’s got his stupid umbrella. I guess I’ll rain in on him later.” Oh, yes. The equation was clear.
Hamish + umbrella + outside = No rain.
Hamish + umbrella + inside = Maybe rain
Hamish – umbrella + inside = Maybe rain
Hamish – umbrella + outside = Rain + Storm + Thunder + Lightning (optional)
Not too complicated, you would admit. I was learning to accept the equation; live with reason, so to speak. But that changed last night. It rained. It rained while I was OUTSIDE… WITH my umbrella. The bearded Greek spook caught me by surprise, but it got me thinking… WHY?? Was this a tactical shift in his divine plan? DID he have a divine plan? Or is he just a brat with super powers? What does his pad look like? If Zeus says “Seuss is loose”, can “Seuss sues Zeus” be news?
Oh, man. I’m mumbling. I don’t know what I’m saying now. Seuss sues Zeus?? Geez!! I still don’t know what I’m saying. And I don’t know what changed the equation. I have been carrying my umbrella everyday these days. I don’t know why… TsKfthHd”shf Mhsd}%ddh&dgfjhiOh45g2Bf1)hGewdhhfH
Damn. Laptop’s gone bonkers again. I swear, if I see more set of garba… Oh… Oh, God. Oh, my God! I know why it rained last night. I see all. I have been getting out of his carefully planned executions for a long time by simply carrying my umbrella. He must have gotten tired of waiting. And seeing that he couldn’t get to me directly, he went after those near and dear to me.
My LAPTOP! I was carrying it with me last night. And given the exponential expanse of my girth these days, even Drew Carey wouldn’t need glasses to see that an umbrella can’t protect me AND the laptop at the same time. The cunning old codger has a plan, alright. The sneaky devilish son-of-a-deity. When I get my hands on him, I’ll *&^%&$^&(*&$%^*&U()&)~#()(@!)#()@)#$+
Nice build up with all those !@#!%!@#$!
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