Award to the vice

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I may not look much of a scholar, and I wouldn’t begrudge you thinking of my intellect in unflattering terms. I wouldn’t really get on arguments on semantics, and I’ll be fine as long as you all agree that I’m smarter than the average bear (I really am! This was established in 1998, when a team of highly trained scientists asked me and an average bear the capital of South Africa. The bear mauled two of the scientists and had to be put down. I won by default)

Whatever the case, the fact still remains that I have successfully graduated from a grilling engineering course in Electronics and Communication, and without any regard for personal safety or delimiting shame, followed that up with a degree in MBA.

Understandably, this had perplexed a host of spectators, including, but not limited to, many of my teachers and friends. During each graduation, I used to face a fresh set of stunned and motionless faces with mouths open wide; as if they were being prepped for dental surgery.

So it happens that while a small part of the community is still pondering over the mystery of the graduating Hammy, I just made another unexpected accomplishment. I just got not one, not two, not three, but fo… oh, wait. one… two… three… it IS three. Ok. THREE fantabulous awards.
Firstly, I got this snazzy looking award which assures me that I’m indeed a kick ass blogger.

kickass bloggerKickass Blogger

This was sent to me by Eve Cleveland, from thatsfunnybecause. I met her on chat a few times after this, when I subtly poked around whether she sent it to me by accident, and whether she was drunk at the time. Surprisingly enough, she chose not to hide behind either of these perfectly understandable excuses and blatantly admitted doing the said task in full sobriety. She’s gutsy that way.

I had barely enough time to print, laminate, and frame my new award in my living room wall when I was given THIS award.

Brilliante award

Brilliante award

This time around, it was animator extraordinaire Bill Libey from ‘I animate u‘ who performed the award giving ceremony. And apparently he did it with a straight face. He’s been that way ever since he made me this animation some time ago.

And anyway, by this point, I was wondering whether I should do a backflip or the cha-cha-cha to celebrate my newfound recognition (broken neck or public embarrassment… what was I thinking?). I hadn’t even started to brag about these goodies when I noticed yet another award… again by Bill Libey. The guy seems to be having a garage sale in his attic where all the excess awards are marked down to zero…

Arte y pico award

Arte y pico award

Yes, Billy boy sent me this award quite a while back, and I didn’t even find out about it until now. I guess I missed that post. I can understand the need for secrecy. The “Arte y pico” award literally means “Keep this award a secret, hombre, and try to sound Spanish”. Imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger getting an Oscar and him not being informed about it.

“Hey, Arnie. Congratulations”

“Dank yoo. Err…. But why?”

“For the oscars, man! Congrats on winning the oscar”

“Is dis shum sick joke? I will crush you with my bare hands”

“Err… I’m serious. Congrats”

“Dat’s it. Dis has gone far enuff. I’m the Governor of California. I can have you drawn and quartered.”

“Hmm… No you can’t.”

“Of course I can!”

“No, Arnie. I have the U.S. constit…”

“Da constitution, eh? I’ll make you eat it. Maria, fetch me my axe!”

Not the most graceful way to accept an award… even in his dreams… So these three awards caught me unawares. But that’s alright. At least I had better grace than the fictitious take on the Californian governor. I think I’ll do fine.

Now I have to give these awards to five people who ACTUALLY deserve them, aside from the senders. I’m going to do that en masse. All three of these awards go to…

Damn. SO many great blogs to choose from. I’ll just have to pick a few at random. It’s only fair that the first award goes to the lady who made this choice SO much harder…

  1. Chelle from The offended blogger – Ever since this reservoir of pure energy started her humor bloggers cabal at, I’ve been discovering uber-cool blogs with fantasmical rib tickling humor all over the place. Picking five great bloggers was never this difficult before.
  2. JD from I do things so you don’t have to – Another superb blogger I got introduced to at I love the concept of her blog. And I’m sure you all will too…
  3. Amy from AmyOops – Yet another humor specialist from There are faaaar too many great bloggers out there to list out here. Dana, Bee’s Musings, Nanny Goats in panties…. these are all great blogs, but since I’m limited to 5 entries here, I think I’ll give the remaining two slots to a couple of members out there…
  4. Silverine from Poomanam – The most popular Keralite humor blogger in the blogosphere. Her weekly doses keep half the Keralite working population from strangling themselves with the necktie over boredom. She has a kickass blog. In her last comment, she definitely kicked my ass, I can tell you that. Just remember – for your own safety – It’s Silverine. NOT Silvie.
  5. Twisted-DNA – I’m giving this guy the three awards, and adding in one twisted award of my own… A swift kick to the pants. He blogs even less frequently than I do. Really. He needs to write more, and I’d appreciate if some of you went to his place, knocked on his door, and threatened him into writing more. (“Keem em coming, boy… or this bunny gets it!”)

That’s the awards roundup from my end. Now I’m off to start the bragging process. Gotta show off my brand new… or at least newly found awards. This is exciting. I’m going to march right in to office and say – Guess what… I’ve just been awarded not one, not two, not three, but fou…. dammit. I did it again.

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14 Responses

  1. Hammy, Darlin!
    What did I tell you? America loves you, Babe…but nobody loves you like I do in Mississippi…America. I hope you brushed your teeth and went to sleep. Now, eat you a good breakfast…you got a long day ahead of you.

  2. priyanka says:

    u won awards !! the next time u down in mumbai , i want a treat . muahahahahha .
    ps:- good boy *pats on the head*

  3. Amy says:

    Wow, so cool. Thanks a lot!

  4. silverine says:

    Congratulations on the award!!!!

    That pre award preamble was hilarious!!! LOL!!

    My teachers fainted when I graduated! πŸ˜€ They blamed it on bad ICSE evaluation 😐

    And thank you for giving me the award.

  5. Mudassar says:

    congrats for the awards… but frankly man u r too self praising…. or in a better word u ve got v high self esteem…
    bt wtever the case is ur writing is kool… interesting… πŸ™‚

  6. Bill Libbey says:

    Like silverine said, “the pre award preamble was hilarious!” If you don’t want to receive awards, quit being so damned funny!

  7. Binny V A says:

    Congratulations. On graduating as well as on getting the awards. I had a lot of trouble graduating – partly due to the fact that I did not go to collage.

  8. silverine says:

    @Binny: LOL!!!! πŸ˜€

  9. hammy says:

    Sorry about the delay, folks. Been busy getting yelled at at work.

    @eve clevenand:
    Goddamn do they love me in Mississippi. Brush my teeth? D’OH!! I knew I forgot something.

    Of course, Plinks. I’ll give you a treat, alright. Right after I kick you for that head patting stunt you just pulled.

    You’re welcome. πŸ˜€

    Hi, Silverine. Note that I am using the complete word ‘Silverine’ over here. No cutbacks. You went through the ICSE board, eh? Personally, I went through the CBSE board. I bet I slept in class more often than you did.

    And of course, you’re welcome to the awards. You deserve all of them.

    I am too self-praising? Dang. That’s a first. πŸ˜€

    @bill libey:
    Hey! Who said I don’t want to receive awards?? I haven’t finished bragging about these three yet. My colleagues are so sick and tired of my “I know you heard this before, but… I GOT THREE FANTABULOUS AWARDS!” story that sometimes I think they MEAN their threat to drown me when they get the chance.

    If you don’t want to receive awards, quit being so damned funny!

    Aha. So the key is to write funny, eh… Well, how about this… A rabbi, a priest and a talking duck were dragging a dead horse to a bar. The bartender yelled at them, saying “What the hell are you doing? You can’t bring that thing in here!” and the duck said… oh, no. wait. the RABBI said that he was… No, no. It was the priest. Definitely the priest. He said that the duck said…

    Dammit, I forgot the punchline.

    @binny v a:
    Tell me about it. I know, Binny. It’s a crying shame. Discrimination is not allowed as per our constitution, but these universities flount the rules like crazy. “You can’t graduate! You’ve never attended college blah blah yada yada” When will this all end?

    I dream of a time when all people are treated equal, whether they went to college or not. Not all the time, though. Last night, for example, I dreamt that I won a million dollars and spent it all on food. But sometimes, when all the other dreams are rented out, I dream about the equality thing.

  10. WOO! Hey, thanks a lot for the award. And congratulations to YOU for raking in an awesome 3 awards. Hooray for Humor Bloggers!

  11. Hammy,
    What up, Homes? I ain’t heard from you in three damn days. Stop toiling away at that hot shot job or yours and write us something else, Man!

  12. Hey wow! Thanks for the name drop!

    Uh, that was just a name drop, right? I didn’t actually win anything, did I?

    And congratulations on weighing down your trophy case!

  13. hammy says:

    Hey, Margaret. I really enjoy your blog. I had soo many blogs to select from… I didn’t give you one this time, though. And I can’t think of one good reason why.

    And thanks. It’s not really ‘weighed down’ or anything…

  1. August 8, 2016

    […] has been several years since I received an award or a nomination. The last time was in 2009, and the one before was in 2008. Since 2010, nothing. Nada. It’s almost as if my low frequency of posts […]

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