The Blah Blahs and the Yada Yadas

06 Jan, 2014

Resolute Resolution

Posted by: hammy In: faux pas|Gadgets|Life in the UAE

I was fishing around for an idea for a blog article, when my friends suggested that I write about my New Year’s resolution. They said it’s usually written towards the last day of December, but hey, better late than never. They advised that the key is to keep things realistic and manageable.

Fine, I thought… I can do that. So my new year’s resolution is pretty simple. It’s 4K. I mean… It would have been 4K, but then again, if I have to be realistic about it, then I think 4K is just a bit too far ahead of the curve for me – Ultra High Definition Resolution is awesome, no doubt, but I just can’t afford a 4K TV, and I can’t even source 4K media content. So I have to take things down a notch.

1080p. Yep. That’s the realistic New Year’s Resolution for me. Not too different from last year’s resolution, but I think I should allow a bit of breather for technology to catch up. So that’s it. 1080p High Definition would be my resolution. That makes a rather short article, but hey, that’s that. Happy New Year, everyone.

 

Addendum.

OK. So apparently, that’s not the kind of resolution that my friends were talking about. It’s more a promise of  self improvement that one makes to oneself for the New Year. It does make a whole lot more sense than the picture-clarity bit.

I kept my place spic and span by a rather nifty tactic – by staying away.

Fine. So my new year’s resolution is to … keep my place more tidy… a bit neater and more orderly. Not a bad one, that… And it was a resounding success. I kept my place spic and span by a rather nifty tactic – by staying away. My wife and I had a happy little party at our friend’s place for New Year’s… and when we returned home the next day, we spent most of the day sleeping. I tend to be rather neat and tidy when I don’t move out of the bed. So that was that. I don’t know why people can’t keep their new year’s resolutions. Piece of cake. Speaking of which, I’m going to reward myself with a piece of cake right now.

Perfect piece of cake

 

 

Addendum again.

OK. So apparently, the thing about New Year’s resolution is that it’s not supposed to be just for New Year’s day – it’s for the whole year. The whole of 2014, in this case. I may have had my cake a bit prematurely.

Tidiness can be subjective. There are no standard measurement units for tidiness – at least not a consistent, popularly accepted one. What is a spotless and acceptably clean room for one person may be a bacteria infested wasteland for another. It’s a matter of perspective – is somebody being a slob, or is someone just being pedantic and obsessive about minor details

 

leave out period

Take a time machine back five to seven years and you could note two things -

  1. I was living my bachelor days in a room so messed up that it would have failed certification for a pigsty.
  2. Holy shit, you have a time machine!

I briefly considered a stint as costumed vigilante/superhero Tidyman, but I thought maybe that’s going a bit too far.

My point is – back then, there was no confusion there. Neat and tidy were concepts of idealism that rarely ever broke into the real world except when visiting other people’s homes. There were no real attempts at being organized. However, that slowly changed. I started putting things in their proper places, and occasionally sweeping the rooms, discovering and using cleaning products in my home… myself. It felt rewarding. By around 3 years ago, I considered myself neat and organized. I rewarded myself with generous pats on the back. I briefly considered a stint as costumed vigilante/superhero Tidyman, but I thought maybe that’s going a bit too far.

fight against

But apparently, I was just being selectively blind. I wasn’t neat; I was just neater. I learned about this after my wife, Rhine, entered the scene, stage left. She was like the kid from the sixth sense; only, instead of ghosts, she saw dust, germs and other assorted villains from the Tidyman mythology (Oh, yeah, Tidyman had his own mythology. It could have been a franchise on its own – starting off with his epic introduction to his arch nemesis – the evil Turdio)

Sometimes – as in once in a blue moon –  I take the helm and offer to clean up our place. I grab the broom, mutter my catchphrase under my breath, and do my bit. After my thorough and exhausting battle against the unseemly, dirty forces of… well, dirt, I put my fists to my hips and survey the landscape – I see eat-off-the-floor levels of cleanliness and warp a contented smile on my face… until, of course, Rhine makes her inspection. She uses what I imagine is Predator-like vision enhancement techniques to point out how filth infested and sickening the place is.

Tidyman is nothing compared to my wife at inspection time. Talk about superpowers. Microscopic vision detects trace amounts of dust in almost everything. The way she points out my omissions, I am inclined to think that she can see individual bacterium and the usual gang they hang out with. And she doesn’t even squint her eyes when spotting these rapscallion microbes. She prefers to go for the nuke solution all the time – a steady dose of Dettol or Clorox to wipe away the entire populations.

only way to be sure

 

Meanwhile, from my side, if I can make the dirt/dust disappear by squinting my eyes, I see it as a win. To her, I’m like the ghosts from the 6th Sense – I only see what I want to see.

My point is – what’s neat and tidy to me can be an apocalyptic wasteland for my wife, so there’s no real standard for keeping track of such a resolution; it’s not realistic. So, with all due respect to my friends, I’m going back to my other NY resolution – 1080p High Definition.

4 Responses to "Resolute Resolution"

1 | Sherrel

January 6th, 2014 at 11:29 am

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Hahhhaa!!! I still remember your house in Madivala and how hard it was to find your stuff :P

2 | hammy

January 6th, 2014 at 1:20 pm

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@sherrel:
On the contrary, Sherry… It was so easy to find my stuff. I could find my stuff from years ago. I randomly close my eyes and poke around and presto – I get some of my stuff; maybe the ticket stub from that movie I saw six months ago, maybe that expired can of peanut butter…

The trouble was when it came to finding some SPECIFIC stuff of mine. Now, THAT… was difficult. You would have needed a team of explorers and deep sea divers in scuba outfit to wade through the junk to get at something specific.

3 | kshama chandan

January 6th, 2014 at 11:57 pm

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Rhine’s actions i so well understand…i do just the same with my husband. ..his friends who visited our house recently said this wasnt the house he was living in earlier…its transformed…poor husbands…they have ao much to learn…

4 | hammy

January 9th, 2014 at 3:49 pm

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Of course the place is transformed. It’s not your husband’s pad anymore. It’s a shared apartment between hubby and wifey. And your hubby, I’m sure, doesn’t have the predator-like vision to find out the messes you can see. Check with your husband – it was a simpler time. Messy, sure, but simpler.

Comment Form


  • hammy: @sherrel: The weekend went as expected. I stood firm in my resolve until around 1 PM. We were invited to lunch at a friend's place. I
  • Sherrel: Hey Hammy, so how did the weekend go??? :-)
  • hammy: @amlin: Thank you. But Scumbag Weekend's already rearing its head in sneaky ways. I already have two invites to lunch and dinner this

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