My Easter egg hunt… of sorts.

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I can’t wait to tell you all about this Easter egg hunt thingy. I mean – yes, Easter is already over, so technically I could  and did – wait to tell you all about it. It’s just an expression.

Most of you don’t need an introduction to what an Easter Egg Hunt is. But for those of you who are not ‘most of you’, let me do a quick recap. Typically, it’s a game wherein ‘Easter Eggs’ are hidden all over a garden or play area and kids are encouraged to hunt around for them. ‘Easter Eggs’ are gifts from the Easter Bunny – usually egg-shaped candies or chocolates wrapped in multi-color decorations. That’s as much as I know about it.

As to how any of this is actually connected to Easter – the festival celebrating Jesus’ resurrection – your guess is as good as mine. Actually, since my guess is that right before his ascension to heaven, Jesus blessed a virgin rabbit who laid 12 golden eggs filled with chocolate – your guess is probably better than mine.

The details are outlined in the book somewhere… probably.

Anyway, back to this spectacular Easter Egg Hunt of mine – well, it wasn’t your typical Easter egg hunt. There were some notable differences. Firstly, it was played completely indoors. No sense playing under the desert sun in Dubai, is there? And tell me – is it still an Easter egg hunt even when the eggs are not decorated or colored or wrapped in any way? I’m gonna take that as a yes. Great.

But there are still just a few teeny tiny points that make this an atypical Easter egg hunt – There were no kids involved. Arguably, no adults either. It was just me. None of the eggs contained chocolates or candy. Plus – I may have exaggerated when I said ‘eggs’. It was just an egg. Singular. One hard-boiled egg, still in its shell.

Like these, but fewer. Much, much fewer.

So, my great Easter egg hunt was me, by myself, hiding a single, solitary, ordinary chicken egg within my small, one-bedroom apartment, and organizing a party of one to search for the same.

You might be thinking – “Hey, that doesn’t sound ‘spectacular’. It’s one small apartment. It couldn’t possibly be that challenging.” Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong, my friend. It is NOT an easy task. It’s been a while since I hid the egg, and it’s still nowhere to be found. It’s the ultimate hiding champion.

You might then think – “So what? How hard could it be to search for an egg that you’ve hidden yourself?” But therein lies the rub. You see, in the spirit of upping the ante, I completely erased any memory of where I actually hid my egg.

Men in Black 3 | Columbia Pictures

And I did it the old fashioned way. None of those fancy electronic memory wipes.

Like I said – I understand that this has many differences from a traditional Easter egg hunt. But it IS an Easter egg hunt. Why else would I say it is? What possible reason could I have to lie?

Hey – I admit it – I’m no saint. Never claimed to be. Some of you may remember that for the past several months, my wife has been in India, and I have been living a pseudo-bachelorhood life. Even fewer may remember what my actual bachelorhood entailed;  an unkempt room full of pizza boxes, dirty laundry and dust swept under other layers of hardened dust. It’s been an open secret that left to my own devices, I am hardly what you would call ‘organized’. I tend to be bit of a klutz, and I have lost a fair bit of personal belongings because of that.

Which reminds me – If you ever find an old Atari 2600 with the power button ajar and my initials etched on top – just stick to my story that it got stolen by peculiarly specific, geeky burglars.

I’m not perfect, but why would I lie about this? What? Do you think that maybe I just boiled this egg one fine day, kept it aside to browse the internet, lost track of time, have been unable to find it in the days since, and am now afraid it will stay lost till my wife comes back next week? That she might find it slightly more excusable that I’m playing an extended Easter egg hunt than that I lost a by-now-rotting egg behind the front room couch cushion?

Oh, wait… The front room couch cushion!! Of course! Just give me a minute… aaaaaand nope. The hunt is still on. Come on! I’m offended! Would I lie like that? Really, people. It’s a rhetorical question, by the way. Lay off the keyboard, please.

No. I wouldn’t. And that is why this is a really special, honest-to-goodness true Easter egg hunt. Unless… it starts to smell bad and I am able to track it to its hiding place – in which case, I’m throwing away the egg and this Easter egg hunt never happened.

That would be a shame. Cos this is turning out to be a spectacular Easter egg hunt, isn’t it?

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